here is the story of my life.

age
so many things i have to constantly remind myself lately

do laundry clean me room have to get kitty litter have to also get kitty food oh shoot i also have to get fabric softener or else i cant finish my laundry and i wont be able to wear the black socks with ruffles but wait did i even put those socks in the wash yet i think they may still be in my backpack from the gym oh shoot i still have to go make time to run today but i cant because i was going to meet # for coffee maybe i can go later but i need at least a 2 hour bulk of my time wait that reminds me i should probably get some more shampoo but i should probably shower now and shave my legs before i go get some coffee but wait first i stil have to go buy all that stuff i said i was going to buy i guess i have to do groceries tomorrow instead i still wanted to finish the drawings i was thikning of yesterday before i fell asleep i also want to design a whole collection based on (secret) for tao because i think she would be totally interested since she'd probably never even think twice of using that as an inspiration but it would be so damn good! but i forgot i still need to take apart than panel in the vintage dress for p's video oh shoot the shoot is pretty soon maybe i need to really start on the muslin for the dress what kind of dress should i do i still cant decide man i still want to make that one shirtdress and call jen so she can shoot it .. i cant believe it's already past midnight i guess i can't finish my laundry tonight because i still don't have fabric softener and if i continue the laundry the power might go off since i'm using the a/c computer keyboard night-light and printer. wait , maybe i should turn the printer off and the keyboard im going to try to sleep now because i keep forgetting that i am lacking in sleep and i am always tired the bags under my eyes will never dissappear at this rate i hope i still have enough concealer oh and i have to buy vanessa some bahn mi before going to work tomorrow god, i really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow oh it's a fullmoon tonight, the sky is really bright maybe i can sleep with the lights off tonight oh who am i kidding the most important things i have to remember and keep reminding myself is i have to keep working hard know why im doing what im doing and believe in myself and why i am in rk's army goodnight i will be happi and im going to fly

foto credit by crystal gwyn for L magazine

i feel half dead

tao cdg fall 2010

very tired today, and yesterday. and the day before. and the past week. horrible sleeping schedule is happening again.

i mean, for awhile, i was actually being a human being and sleeping at reasonable hours because a thing called work makes you want to actually sleep before midnight. lately, i've been waking up from these ongoing dreams about a person(s). it's completely driving me insane because it's something i'd like to avoid thinking about at all costs when i'm concious, yet it's haunting me while i am trying to get my 6 hours of sleep!! i wake up breathing hard, confused, crying, and/or feeling absolutely horrible.

help me sleep.

tao cdg ss 2010

i just woke up, it's 3:am and took a bath and prepping for tomorrow, mentally.

who am i kidding though. what i really need is to sleep for physical stamina but my mind won't fall asleep.

but pretty much, i've never been so scared in my life.

'time wounds all heals'

these are from the new vogue hommes japan magazine i picked up today. pretty much amazing.



being nocturnal isn't so natural to me anymore. i'm so deadbeat everyday from school, what is going onnnn. right now is 2:24 which is past my favorite hour of the night. but after 2 i start to work slower, i smoke every 20 minutes, and my a.d.d kicks in five times as harder. i can't sew right now, but i must or i fail. it sucks to be blood type a. i try to achieve much higher than i can mentally physically handle.

i also like to sleep at 2ish because i can see the moon from my bed. (very rare in nyc)
but i'd like to seriously get some more sleep. i discovered that my memory is worse now not because of, lets say substances, but because of lack of sleep. i also get sleep paralysis alot and i can't tell if i'm awake or asleep or zombie-ing out or delirious or all of the above.


another random thought. i think cats are always drugged out.

xxx