my sister visited me last week. actually it was already 20 days ago (fuck, time flies)

it was the most effort i have put into showing people around ny. i am probably the most horrible host because i hate doing things that involve tourism, and high traffic places (times square , shiver down my spine)

but i will admit it was kind of refreshing to do somethings i don't normally do. like, to actually go to the roof of rockafeller center? yeah, i bet you 80% of new yorkers have not done that. even empire state building! i have done both , booyah. (i say it like it's as if i climbed mount everest.. ) anyway when i was on the roof top actually looking at manhattan and empire state building, and etcetc i thought like "dang i really do live here. this is my 6th year here.." and maybe i feel comfortable in this chaotic place. i think lately i don't want to go back to california. for a long time. actually when i think about california i get really anxious and depressed. it is a veryweirdfeeling let's not talk about this anylonger

december 3rd sky. the march of the white clouds.

today around 3pm.

tomorrow, i'm flying back to california for a week for vacation.

vacation

"vacation"

i am having major anxiety for way too many reasons right now, because i fear that a place i called home may not feel like it anymore.


i think my perfect vacation will come when i know i can finally relax..which i find hard to do in any kind of tranquil situation.

in general, i worry too much.
in general, i need more melatonin.

we made too many u-turns, but somehow ended up home.

home.
home
homehome. home.
sometimes, home is just a feeling



today i visited yukichan in her hometown/sf. i always wondered what it would be like to grow up in a city. suburbia is the worst.

i am trying to go to my homeland this summer- japan- to intern. america is making me too bland and i know i'm much more experimental. no offense. although, it's weird because everytime i go to japan i don't feel confident enough to say i am japanese. but when i'm in the u.s. and i am proud to say i am japanese. i am such a half-assed bilingual.

i love dropsnap and tokyobopper. look at these men. i want to dress them.
they are my muuuuuuse




boy1 the simple black and white, sportswear/diorhomme/rocknroll

boy2 jesus hair, duh

boy3 oversize xxxl top paired with skinny pants. sillouette is love

boy4 part grunge, part bohemia, part 1800s london. i love dirtyness alot.

(credit dropsnap)

p.s.
boy candy jamie burke + a prada boy. things that were missing under my xmas tree.