17 September 2010

a moment from the standard/le bain bathroom. i think i enjoy it more than the dancefloor.

i had visitors living in my room since the beginning of the month and yesterday i fell asleep alone. not to mention, it was fashionweak and i am so burnt out somehow. it's actually the first season i didn't go to real shows...yet i am so tired i could do nothing for a long long time.

i am usually alone in my room, with my cat. and it's usually the only time i can get to do nothing. and so, i actually get a little anxious and restless when people stay with me. in the end i actually think their presence saves me from going crazy because i am a person who think too much. when i think too much when i'm by myself..ohboy.

but everytime it's the same thing. the moment they leave, the empty room is much more quieter than it was before and i get drown in this deep deep deep silence . so much it drives me crazy.

and then i thought yesterday before i fell asleep that i bet people die of lonliness.


Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say that, y'know, hey..I've been following your blog for a little while now and I find it...mind-blowing, tbh. It's awesome. And I don't know why I'm saying that now, except maybe you sound a little lonely...and maybe I've felt the same way.

Matthew said...

When you get lonely, make noise. Let someone close know, you know? Think of a good traige or more of close knit friends or those you love (or those who love you in the way you want to be loved). It's in my most loneliest state I realize I have no one to tell, no one to turn to. But somehow I'm still here. I'd rather not go back there. Faux intimacy sustains me. I'm alright with a little fake. Authenticity can't mean death, can't mean nothingness, you know?

I think there's hope. It's not about someone, somewhere. It could be. But maybe we're all a bit alone, all together.

Isn't Japan made up of islands?

Archipelago of the seperate yet whole?

...for what it's worth.

Maybe we can be alone in a room full of people. Is the converse true?


thank you strangers.