was a stressful day
and i found out
and worry about too many things.
too many things that i don't have to worry about
i don't have to do
i don't have to do extra
but maybe i feel like i have to
or i feel guilty
or im not fulfilling
as i am distracted from my work, on my day off
as i am distracted from daily tasks,
as i am distracted by doing adult responsibilities,
like paying some late late over due bills,
i catch myself.
i cant breathe.
i want..a cigarette..half way thru the day
i couldn't even finish lunch because of that.
but i can't breathe.
and i don't want to have any relaxers.
i dont wan't any distractions, from what i already have
so i keep myself busy with these tasks,
but it makes it even harder for me to breathe, literally
i can't find the right gifts for my dad's belated birthday,
and my friend who i've known for all my life, literally.
how is it so difficult to find things like this?
it makes me more stressed.
and i am so frustrated at that point, 4 pm.
and i go home with two cards.
the day is over,..i feel devastated.
i cant help but start painting.
and i am at peace
its 1143 pm now
i cant think about anything but it.
my room is a mess,
there is paint all over my body,
i broke my ring, accidentally,
but i don't care.
the fact that i don't have to think is all it takes.